Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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