i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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