the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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