Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
