I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
