it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
