I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
