Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
