Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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