"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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