24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
