I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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