You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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