Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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