clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
