Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
