Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
