If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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