I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
