Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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