so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
