My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
where are you?
Hypothermia
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
