I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
