You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
