He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
