Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
