Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
