You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
