i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
