I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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