You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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