I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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