P.S. I can't hear my feet
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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