I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What a dumb baby whore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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