the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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