he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
