good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
