I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
