He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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