Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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