And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
