I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
