Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
