Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
