never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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