Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
