I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
