On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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