Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
