we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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