i don't like sucking hair
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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